This year K and I have determined that the humanistic philosophy of five days of work and two days of leisure does not become us. Probably more out of the reality of needing to spend Saturday doing all the work for ourselves that the working week schedule does not allow us to get done Mon to Fri. But it was nice for a short while to consider ourselves Pharisaic in our application of the law to our lifestyles! I am feeling very religious about the work ethic on the Sabbath though.
Recognition in the law of lifestyle aspects that apply, out of necessity or choice, in a modern world is sometimes interesting, sometimes shocking. What about tithing? Why not give one day a fortnight to full time service instead of work. Does that qualify as one tenth, one twelth or one fourteenth? Why does all giving end up being boiled down to dollars? And can I really claim a mouldy sandwich in my lunchbox as a modern day version of the temple showbread?!
Tomorrow I start a further commitment for this year, despite my subconscious mantra of deciding to become as disinstitutionalised as possible. I will be the leader in Sunday School opening time. Quite ironic, given my perceived lack of children skills. Maybe my childlike heart will help. Oh to be more childlike in the areas that really matter.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Committed to writing but should be committed in writing
So I have chastised myself to be more disciplined and write as frequently as I can, not as frequently as I feel the urge. This requires some commitment and sacrifice – of time and attention (from competing demands) and the creativity to have something to say!!!
Now which is the more challenging?
And if the challenge exists for the writer, what level of challenge must exist for the reader? Are there any readers? How would I know? Would it really matter? Is it enough to know that someone might read, that thoughts have been recorded for possible consumption?
Perhaps it is enough to know that I am holding myself accountable and a quasi public record of achievement (or not) is enough of a reason.
Today K is back into the classroom and I know that means time and emotion stolen from our relationship. Perhaps stolen is too strong a word, for it implies a loss beyond control. More like a redirection from one aspect of our world and invested in another. That is how all decisions of priority need to be viewed. We should not be doing anything we do not want to, for if we are not investing in areas according to a priority we influence, then our time, effort, attention and emotion are being stolen from us.
The next question then is the criteria used to determine the priority list, and what happens to those issues that do not make the list? What if we still consider them “needful things” but have no heart in them? Just like the Stephen King novel of the same name, perhaps what we consider needful may not be at all.
Time to spiritualise – obvious connection in all this of temporal versus eternal aspects of all we do on our priority list! If our heart is set and our attitudes shaped by our relationship with God there should be no conflict.
Funny how a fallen world and a sinful nature can remove the logic from a should be!
m<><
Now which is the more challenging?
And if the challenge exists for the writer, what level of challenge must exist for the reader? Are there any readers? How would I know? Would it really matter? Is it enough to know that someone might read, that thoughts have been recorded for possible consumption?
Perhaps it is enough to know that I am holding myself accountable and a quasi public record of achievement (or not) is enough of a reason.
Today K is back into the classroom and I know that means time and emotion stolen from our relationship. Perhaps stolen is too strong a word, for it implies a loss beyond control. More like a redirection from one aspect of our world and invested in another. That is how all decisions of priority need to be viewed. We should not be doing anything we do not want to, for if we are not investing in areas according to a priority we influence, then our time, effort, attention and emotion are being stolen from us.
The next question then is the criteria used to determine the priority list, and what happens to those issues that do not make the list? What if we still consider them “needful things” but have no heart in them? Just like the Stephen King novel of the same name, perhaps what we consider needful may not be at all.
Time to spiritualise – obvious connection in all this of temporal versus eternal aspects of all we do on our priority list! If our heart is set and our attitudes shaped by our relationship with God there should be no conflict.
Funny how a fallen world and a sinful nature can remove the logic from a should be!
m<><
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Another week older, but no more mature
Another week older, but no more mature
Another week nearly over
Another seven days closer to quitting this earthly realm
Another seven days less to make meaning of my life
Another seven days less to make a difference
But this past seven days did make a difference
Invested in relationships with my Pastors
Poured long purposeful hours into work
Played much backgammon with K and suffered both the consequences of victory and defeat
Reminded of the need to depend less on material surety and more on faith
Enjoyed the pleasure of early mornings, late nights, fulfilled weariness and new music
Experienced the joy and tension of a father’s account of playing the tooth fairy, fearful of discovery
Became jealous that I don’t have a scarf story
Wondered if I would ever get to grow up
Growing up is all relative, or is it dependent on relatives, namely your own children. Perhaps the absence of any younger generation in our house predisposes the mean maturity level to sink lower as no veneer of formality, responsibility or example setting is required.
K reminds me occasionally that I am in need of a reality check, but unless I ever live the restless sleep of responsibility for the next generation I think I can continue to bluff her and abide in my dream world.
I mean, I have been doing it at work for years!
m<><
Another week nearly over
Another seven days closer to quitting this earthly realm
Another seven days less to make meaning of my life
Another seven days less to make a difference
But this past seven days did make a difference
Invested in relationships with my Pastors
Poured long purposeful hours into work
Played much backgammon with K and suffered both the consequences of victory and defeat
Reminded of the need to depend less on material surety and more on faith
Enjoyed the pleasure of early mornings, late nights, fulfilled weariness and new music
Experienced the joy and tension of a father’s account of playing the tooth fairy, fearful of discovery
Became jealous that I don’t have a scarf story
Wondered if I would ever get to grow up
Growing up is all relative, or is it dependent on relatives, namely your own children. Perhaps the absence of any younger generation in our house predisposes the mean maturity level to sink lower as no veneer of formality, responsibility or example setting is required.
K reminds me occasionally that I am in need of a reality check, but unless I ever live the restless sleep of responsibility for the next generation I think I can continue to bluff her and abide in my dream world.
I mean, I have been doing it at work for years!
m<><
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Rejoice, Rejoice, and again I say Rejoice
Tonight at prayer meeting we crashed through Philipians - the whole book in 30 minutes to be reminded that we are called to rejoice as Christians. A real conviction and challenge to my pessimistic, melancholic, malaise infected heart. The challenge once again is balance – how to maintain a realistic mindset of external circumstance and obligations whilst remaining encouraged by the promises of God.
To be Christ like
To be like minded
To consider oneself no higher than another
To be an example, unspoken before my brother.
Finally felt that we got some traction at work today, starting to get some momentum on issues, instead of drowning under a flood of new concerns.
K made the best choc chip biscuits yesterday – a real power kick this afternoon in the office.
m<><
To be Christ like
To be like minded
To consider oneself no higher than another
To be an example, unspoken before my brother.
Finally felt that we got some traction at work today, starting to get some momentum on issues, instead of drowning under a flood of new concerns.
K made the best choc chip biscuits yesterday – a real power kick this afternoon in the office.
m<><
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Emotional motion emits emotive motives
Several events have occurred recently which continue to form ideas and feelings within me which, although seminal at this stage, are an evolutionary advance* on subliminal simmerings.
*(although scientifically speaking evolution through mutation involves the loss of information, not the gaining or further development of it)
Contentment (thanks Janet! - ever ready to pose a question out of the blue) – continually challenged in this area. So much to be thankful for, but still feeling that so much is missing. Needing to put what is currently in place, in its place ie perspective.
I have started my new job, which involves a positional promotion and increased responsibilities. It is nice to have ability and potential recognised, but highlights the need to have your heart in what you are doing. At the moment I feel that work drags me away from the desires of my heart: the challenge of career versus ministry, reconciling the everyday as the Fourth Frontier (ministry in vocation, as opposed to ministry as vocation).
Last night we went and saw Jars of Clay in concert. I had not listened to a lot of their music, but awesome sound and performance. As is usually felt at all big concerts (seeking the applause of man in my own life!), the awe of popularity and ability in this life; and the need to remember that one-day we will all be equally talented, as we are recreated in His image. Encouraged to see young people excited over Christian art form, but wondered how much is entertainment and the need for balance.
As always my darling K balances my melancholy with quiet enthusiasm and constructive support when needed. As she continues the last week of her holidays before 22 Grade 5s rule her life again, I pray that she gains the rest and reserve she will need to see her through the coming 10 weeks.
Crowning achievement this week: the growing pile of firewood in the front yard in preparation for the coming winter ( 7 trailer loads and 5 litres of two stroke). Low 30s this week ahead, but track suits and ugh boots today on the mountain!!
Disappointment: the dog has started digging in the front lawn again.
Solution: cover entire lawn with firewood!
Now you are being ridiculous.
m<><
*(although scientifically speaking evolution through mutation involves the loss of information, not the gaining or further development of it)
Contentment (thanks Janet! - ever ready to pose a question out of the blue) – continually challenged in this area. So much to be thankful for, but still feeling that so much is missing. Needing to put what is currently in place, in its place ie perspective.
I have started my new job, which involves a positional promotion and increased responsibilities. It is nice to have ability and potential recognised, but highlights the need to have your heart in what you are doing. At the moment I feel that work drags me away from the desires of my heart: the challenge of career versus ministry, reconciling the everyday as the Fourth Frontier (ministry in vocation, as opposed to ministry as vocation).
Last night we went and saw Jars of Clay in concert. I had not listened to a lot of their music, but awesome sound and performance. As is usually felt at all big concerts (seeking the applause of man in my own life!), the awe of popularity and ability in this life; and the need to remember that one-day we will all be equally talented, as we are recreated in His image. Encouraged to see young people excited over Christian art form, but wondered how much is entertainment and the need for balance.
As always my darling K balances my melancholy with quiet enthusiasm and constructive support when needed. As she continues the last week of her holidays before 22 Grade 5s rule her life again, I pray that she gains the rest and reserve she will need to see her through the coming 10 weeks.
Crowning achievement this week: the growing pile of firewood in the front yard in preparation for the coming winter ( 7 trailer loads and 5 litres of two stroke). Low 30s this week ahead, but track suits and ugh boots today on the mountain!!
Disappointment: the dog has started digging in the front lawn again.
Solution: cover entire lawn with firewood!
Now you are being ridiculous.
m<><
Thursday, January 08, 2004
New Year, New Cheer
New Year, New Cheer
So I am winding up my time away from vocational obligation and making the most of my last 4 days at home before work starts again. Time on the road with family has drawn K and I away from our normal routine and into a surreal world of family survival, fitting in with other people's domestic routines, being fraternally polite for harmony's sake. But now back home normal routine, household running and personal administration must be resumed.
And I am faced with the list of jobs that remain undone and have to be out of the road before work distracts me mentally and physically.
Coming back to my real world, I am returning to the routine of worship and meditation, of centreing spiritually where holiday routine has "uncentred" me.
The gradual realisation that in the New Year there is no New Cheer save for that which has carried my spirit throughout the last - that is the strength that the Lord offers if we would allow him.
Read an old quote in a diary entry last note - God can only do impossible things when he has crushed impossible people - I don't want to be crushed and I try not to be impossible. Praise God for his patience.
Books read this break:
Surgeon of Crawthorn - Simon Winchester
If You Want to Write - Brenda Ueland
Secret Lives - Australian 2003 short story anthology
A Lawyer's Life - Johnny Cochrane
Enough philology - real world beckons
m<><
So I am winding up my time away from vocational obligation and making the most of my last 4 days at home before work starts again. Time on the road with family has drawn K and I away from our normal routine and into a surreal world of family survival, fitting in with other people's domestic routines, being fraternally polite for harmony's sake. But now back home normal routine, household running and personal administration must be resumed.
And I am faced with the list of jobs that remain undone and have to be out of the road before work distracts me mentally and physically.
Coming back to my real world, I am returning to the routine of worship and meditation, of centreing spiritually where holiday routine has "uncentred" me.
The gradual realisation that in the New Year there is no New Cheer save for that which has carried my spirit throughout the last - that is the strength that the Lord offers if we would allow him.
Read an old quote in a diary entry last note - God can only do impossible things when he has crushed impossible people - I don't want to be crushed and I try not to be impossible. Praise God for his patience.
Books read this break:
Surgeon of Crawthorn - Simon Winchester
If You Want to Write - Brenda Ueland
Secret Lives - Australian 2003 short story anthology
A Lawyer's Life - Johnny Cochrane
Enough philology - real world beckons
m<><
Thursday, January 01, 2004
Finally back home
Finally back home, half day pit stop before driving up the road to my ma and pa's for dad's 60th birthday celebrations. Holidays are tiring - next week is already full of friends and family and then it is back to work for a break!!!
Jealous and Ashamed
A friend of ours has been fighting cancer for several years now. He has cancer through parts of his body and is now in the process of undertaking "last gasp" chemo. His bone marrow tests are clear so there is hope.
Prayers for him this day and onwards.
His situation makes me jealous and Ashamed.
He has an out from this fallen stage, the corrupted coffin of our journey and I sometimes wish it was mine. He may have an opportunity to walk away from this world and into the next, away from the daily hassle of responsibility, uncertainty, the sweat of the brow to till the earth.
Is that unfaithful, ungrateful. It makes me shameful.
But he may not see his children grow.
He may not grow old with his life companion.
He may not reflect on the challenges won and the trials lost.
He may not know the outcome of his age.
He may not see his Saviour return.
Chad,
lead the way
lead with courage
let us be there for you.
m><
By the way Happy New Year, or should that be faithful new year, prophetic fulfillment new year, loving new year, patient new year, thankful for my wife new year.
Jealous and Ashamed
A friend of ours has been fighting cancer for several years now. He has cancer through parts of his body and is now in the process of undertaking "last gasp" chemo. His bone marrow tests are clear so there is hope.
Prayers for him this day and onwards.
His situation makes me jealous and Ashamed.
He has an out from this fallen stage, the corrupted coffin of our journey and I sometimes wish it was mine. He may have an opportunity to walk away from this world and into the next, away from the daily hassle of responsibility, uncertainty, the sweat of the brow to till the earth.
Is that unfaithful, ungrateful. It makes me shameful.
But he may not see his children grow.
He may not grow old with his life companion.
He may not reflect on the challenges won and the trials lost.
He may not know the outcome of his age.
He may not see his Saviour return.
Chad,
lead the way
lead with courage
let us be there for you.
m><
By the way Happy New Year, or should that be faithful new year, prophetic fulfillment new year, loving new year, patient new year, thankful for my wife new year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)